Mo Solo’s 2015 New Year’s Resolutions for Those in Higher Ed

Mo Solo’s 2015 New Year’s Resolutions for Those in Higher Ed

Are you tired of reading and/or making the same old resolutions? Resolving to read War and Peace, run 2 miles everyday, and eat a bowl of bran for breakfast? Well, fear not, lackadaisical friends, I have come up with some different resolutions, especially for those in higher education. As an added bonus, I will share with you my top 7 personal resolutions to make 2015 totally spectacular at the Imperial University!

Presidents

I resolve to stop creating director positions at the drop of a dime. We don’t need a director of new year’s resolutions.

I resolve to stop having the university magazine be all about what I do and remember that there are many members of faculty and staff that help our university be successful.

I resolve to remind myself that I am not Sauron from Mordor.

eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings
Courtesy of http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Sauron

 

 Professors

I resolve to answer questions in less than 30 minutes and without diagramming my answer on a blackboard.

I resolve to stop sleeping in faculty meetings.

I resolve to answer my email (before the semester is over).

 

Students

thin green alien
Courtesy of http://www.clipartlord.com/category/space-clip-art/alien-clip-art/

I resolve to get creative about why I was absent. Instead of using the standard “my five grandmas passed away” I will try to use excuses such as, “an alien kidnapped me and performed experiments on me.”

I resolve not to send my professors or advisors 5 emails for one question and also not to expect an answer within 10 minutes of sending the email.

I resolve not to ignore everything my advisor tells me.

 

Prospective Graduate Students

I resolve to not ask if I can get a waiver for the GRE because I think I got my undergrad degree from such a snooty institution that I believe I deserve special treatment.

I resolve not to decide I want to pursue a Ph.D. two weeks prior to the deadline date and then compile a crappy application packet.

I resolve to not get into a snit when the university won’t agree to create a special program just for me and then threaten the admissions counselor by telling her I will take my money to another university.

 

And now, the resolutions you’ve all been waiting for!
Drum roll, please….

 

Mo’s 7 Job Resolutions

I resolve to NOT make eye contact when the dean is looking for people to serve on the program prioritization committee.

I resolve to stop sneaking out to my car for shots of tequila.

I resolve to behave better in faculty meetings by not shouting, “I object!” or “I abstain!”

I resolve to be nice to my chair and not spray her with Lysol when she comes into my office and sneezes.

I resolve to mostly stop assigning advisees to my staff via the Hunger Games method. May the odds be ever in their favor.

I resolve to stop pretending to be Gandalf in front of my students by waving my staff and shouting, “You shall not pass!”

I resolve to not curse at the %&*# &*%$# copier that never works correctly.

 

What are your resolutions (or non-resolutions) for 2015?

 

Mo Solo is an advisor with the Imperial University. She may or may not be related to Han Solo. Ms. Solo enjoys tequila, practicing with her light saber (although not after drinking tequila), and saving (or trying to) the world from sourpusses at mosoloadvisor.tumblr.com. She has a monkey (named Monkey) for a sidekick and often collaborates with her colleague, Morgan O’Donnell, on a variety of projects.

Have you read Mo’s 12 Days of Advising?

Are you a fan of Downton Abbey? You might like A Victorian Advisor.

 

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